last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
