I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
