bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just threw up on my dentist
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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