did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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