I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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