i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
