I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize