she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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