Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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