i already hear my dad disowning me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
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Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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