oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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