it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
