barbara walters just said penis...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
