At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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