dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
