I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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