i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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