so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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