How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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