you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
