So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
