Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
