it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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