My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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