chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alive.
So much puke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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