She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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