Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
