My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize