i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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