Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
