It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
