So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
be right there i have to get my cape
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize