I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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