It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
