Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
