ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
