Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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