You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
