holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
