Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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