the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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