I got chris browned last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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