I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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