It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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