I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
