Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
