Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
