You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
