I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
