I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
