I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
