His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
