just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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