I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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