His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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