Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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