why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
