peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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