I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
